What not to do in a "selfie"

Oh ladies....learn how to smile like a normal human being in your selfies please. You look ridiculous. You are beautiful ladies, not farm animals.



Why would you want to be a duck? Ducks are gross. Yeah they might be cute when they're little, but have you ever seen an angry adult sized duck?? Those little fuckers are not cute! So, why would you want to look like one in your pictures?

Who are you smooching at? Is it me?? Is it that guy over there?? Is it your imaginary supermodel lumberjack?? Who are you smooching at??? Stop it!

Were you hit with a shovel? What happened to your face? Why is it so crooked? You had such a beautiful face and someone hit it with a shovel! That's horrible! Put some ice on that shit and try again...

Did something scare you? Or are you SUPER excited about something? What's so exciting? Why didn't you let whatever scared you be in the selfie with you? That's just selfish! If they did such a good job scaring you - you should at least let them in the damn picture! On the other hand - If someone excited you to the point where your face froze in the excitement position long enough to get your camera out and take a picture - let that person in the damn photo! Again. Selfish. It's a selfish selfie.

Normal. That is all.

(Note: I may not be the best representation of "normal" but you get the gist of it...I hope)

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